Do I look fat?
by SashaAlexanders
Summary: "Dammit Mulder! Tell me I'm fat!" -pregnant Scully wants Mulder to tell her she looks fat, but Mulder won't fall for it-


Scully stood in front of the full length mirror in their bedroom, examining herself. Her hands roamed over her protruding stomach, that with the right top or coat, could still be hidden. She pulled up her green sweater so that it rested just above her bump. She had only just started to really show in a way that was obvious to everybody, rather than just the people who knew her body intimately.

She turned her body slightly so that she was angled differently and pouted as her bump almost looked none existent from that angle too, much like it did if you looked at her head on. Taking in as deep a breath as she could muster, Scully breathed it out and pushed her stomach out too, smiling as it seemed to grow an inch or two as she slouched her shoulders to add to its growth.

Grabbing one of the pillows from the bed, Scully shoved it under her jumper and smiled at the huge bulge it made. She then turned so she was side on and smiled even deeper as her belly looked twice as big from the angle, which caused her to squeal with excitement. She was beyond excited to get this big and to waddle around everywhere and not be able to zip up her pants.

"Hey, beautiful" Mulder smiled as he walked into their bedroom and collapsed on the bed, exhausted from a long day at work.

"Do I look fat?" Scully asked, seemingly out of the blue.

This question caught Mulder's attention and he shot up straight, no longer lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. This had to be a trick question, surely. If a woman asked you this, the answer was _always_ no. Even if they did look fat, you just smiled and said no. And you didn't look them up and down, or if you did you didn't spend too long doing so. It was a glance at most. Seriously, when it came to the 'do I look fat in this?' or 'does my butt look big in these jeans?' questions, honesty was never the best policy. Mulder had learnt this through years of experience. He still, to this day, had the scar on his head from the night Scully had asked 'does this dress make my thighs look fat?' and he had told her that it 'made her look a bit chunky'. Man did he regret that as they spent the night in A&E after Scully expertly threw the hair dryer at his head. He had also made the mistake of telling Diana that 'green made her look like an ogre' back when they were together, although he didn't really regret that now.

::crap, I've not said anything yet:: Mulder thought after a few too many moments of silence.

"Nope" he smiled and somehow missed the disappointed look on his wife's face. "In fact, you've never looked better!" He added. In reality, as well as naturally putting on weight from the baby growing inside her, Scully had also eaten everything in sight and had put on more than a few pounds. Her boobs had gotten ridiculously huge lately, and doubled that with the fact she was hornier than usual, Mulder didn't know why she hadn't gotten pregnant earlier. And even though she had been piling on the pounds, she had just been getting more and more beautiful. But better to be safe than sorry Mulder thought, and stuck to his well rehearsed speech. "I haven't told you how good you look lately. Seriously, for somebody who's five months pregnant, you're not showing at all. You could win a bikini contest!"

Scully just pouted as her eyes filled with tears. Mulder, noting that wasn't the happy cry face his wife was making, knitted his brows in confusion. It was only when he actually looked her up and down and noticed the pillow shoved under her sweater, along with the look on her face and her earlier actions that he put two and two together. ::wait, does she actually want me to call her fat?:: Mulder thought, although he wasn't sure. This could all still be a trick and he wasn't going to take the bait and fall for it. Oh no, that had also happened one too many times before.

"Really?" Scully stifled a sniffle. "I mean look, _really_ look" she said, yanking the pillow out and exposing her rounded belly. "Are you looking?" She asked, cupping the bump with her hands, as if to try accentuate it.

"Uh huh" Mulder nodded, his eyes on his wife's belly.

"And does it look fat?"

"No?" Mulder replied, his answer more of a question than a statement.

"Seriously? You don't see it?" Scully asked with a exasperated sigh, looking at Mulder's confused expression. "You don't see my bump and how fat I've gotten over the past few weeks?!" She asked excitedly.

::okay, so maybe she does want me to tell her she looks fat:: Mulder sighed internally. ::but that's not going to happen, because she will probably hold it over me forever if I'm wrong about this:: his fingers subconsciously stroked the tiny scar just above his left eyebrow.

"Hhmmm, maybe" Mulder swallowed hard, wearing an expression similar to a deer in headlights. "But I've been trained to say you look skinny as hell my whole life, and that's what I'm gonna stick with" Mulder replied nervously, watching as his wifes stunning face drop in annoyance.

"Dammit, Mulder! Tell me I'm fat!" Scully huffed as Mulder stood to try and make a swift exit from the bedroom and this crazy conversation.

::man women are confusing, especially pregnant ones!:: Mulder laughs slightly as he hears Scully chasing after him. He toys with the idea of telling her that she does in fact look fat, just to shut her up, but a lifetime of experience is screaming at him to stick with the 'no babe, you're looking skinny as ever' line, however untrue it may be.

"Muldeeeeer!" Scully whines in a tone Mulder tells himself he better get used to now there's a baby on the way.

"Nope, no way, Scully. I'm not falling for that" Mulder says as his tiny red headed wife follows him into the nursery.

"Pleaseeeeee!" Scully whines in the same childish tone again, pouting her bottom lip and fluttering her irresistible blue eyes.

::hoo boy does my wife know how to manipulate me! She knows I'm a sucker for those baby blues!:: he groans.

"I can see it written all over your face that you think I'm getting fat"

"My face just says that you're looking beautiful" Mulder smiles sweetly but Scully just glares at him in return.

"If you want to compliment me, tell me I'm fat or don't bother!" She sighed, crossing her arms over her chest.

::okay he must seriously be dreaming if Scully just told him that she wanted to be called 'fat' as a compliment. That or he had a head injury. Or maybe he'd been drugged. Or he was going crazy. Or Scully was looking for some way to blackmail him into naming the baby something stupid. Or maybe he'd slipped into some weird parallel universe. Or may- OW!:: Mulder rubbed his now throbbing arm, courtesy of a slug his barely 5'3 wife just threw with a force that would make Mohammed Ali proud.

"Fine!" Mulder sighed. "You look fat. Like a short, red haired whale! You happy now?"

Scully looked up at Mulder with a look he couldn't read and her bottom lip began to tremble.

::crap, she's gonna blow:: Mulder braced himself for tears and things being thrown at his head.

Instead, Scully beamed and threw her arms around his neck.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She squealed excitedly as she jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist.

::what on earth has just happened?!:: Mulder thinks, as he wraps his hands around his wife, hitching her back up as she kisses him hungrily, her hands delving into his pants. ::if I'd have known calling my pregnant wife fat would have gotten me laid, I'd have said it a million times already!:: Mulder thinks just before Scully hops off him and looks at him with her hungry face, before waddling off in search of something to eat, leaving a very confused, very turned on Mulder standing alone in the nursery wondering what the fuck had just happened.


End file.
